Saturday, December 27, 2008

Chrismukkah 2008

Tomorrow ends the week long celebration of Chrismukkah 2008 in the Kastan household. I have to admit I haven't been too "In the Spirit" this year since I've been super busy but I did enjoy the time with my family for Christmas and I know we will have a great Hanukkah tomorrow with Eric's family as well.

Kaila loved the skateboard she received from "Santa" and the CD player as well. In regards to the skateboard she yelled "Daddy Daddy look Santa brought me a skateboard" it was very cute and in such Kaila fashion.

My birthday was spent at a memorial for Eric's grandfather but Kaila, Eric, and I went and saw Bedtime Stories after and it was nice, just the three of us. My sister-in-law even got me a slice of Red Velvet Cake that I had a bit of and it was yummy. I thought that was very kind of her.

We ended Christmas day with a trip to Griffith Park to see the Christmas lights. It was a lot of fun. All of us taking pictures. We may walk it the 31st if it's not too cold and lately it's been too cold for me to do anything.

Hopefully I will have time to post a bunch-o-pictures from Disneyland, Christmas, My Birthday, and Hanukkah soon but if not just know the Kastans had a great time and hopefully next year it will be in our new home....

Here's a pic I liked from the Griffith Park light show...

Friday, December 19, 2008

Winter Performance 2008

Kaila had her school performance today. They were very cute. Here she is singing a winter melody.....Enjoy

Monday, December 8, 2008

Oh Yes, I'm Cheesy

So now on a cheesy note. Doing this YTL practice has also shown me I want my daughter to know all about me. I was so bad with her baby book because well, I worked night and day then while Eric was in school. I bought this book and my goal is to have it done by April 1, 2008 and give it to her then. I only have 4 months to go so this should be neat to find out more about my dysfunctional family (ok most are and that doesn't mean my family is bad) as well that I really don't know about. I know both sides of my family are small but I hope to get closer to my mother, father, and step mother during this by filling in pieces I don't know about. Wish me luck!


How to make a Kathy really happy....find her the 2009 Erte Calendar. I know I'm such a dork but I'm SO Happy to find this. I was at Papyrus and when I saw this I thought I don't care the cost but it was only $8.000 what a deal, if you ask me.

Since we're re-doing our place this is going above the new computer area. It's so pretty too! Which reminds me....One day I will own a Erte piece....I hope.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Pain will bring Growth

I went to the support group last night for the surgery I had. I walked in and felt a bit uncomfortable because I've lost my weight and those there were either pre-op or newly out and no one who was there was around when I had my surgery. Sure there were others who I knew had their surgery some time ago but I didn't know anyone.

It was nice though because there was a support group after that one for people 1+ years out and well, I'm coming up on two years out so it was nice to be there. It was nice to be there because I got to finally get off my chest all the anger I had around Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome and all the weight gain I got from it and how mean people are to those who are fat and how afraid I am of ever being fat again! I mean friends weren't even nice to me for losing the weight, kinda odd, maybe they liked the fat sidekick.

What's really hard is seriously I have this thing about my arms, if I tell people my track marks at the top of my arm are just that and not a stretch mark which they aren't, people are forgiving like "poor you were a drug addict and now your not, yeah you" but my fear is that if people do think it's a stretch mark and people do judge and make rude comments.

I was also able to share about all those shallow folks in my life who go above and beyond to tell me how great I look but never told me once while I was overweight. Seriously there wasn't one day where I looked good...Not one?

It was nice to share and hear others say they too are afraid of ever being fat again. There was one other lady like me where her body couldn't process food right either and she too gained a lot of weight from that. It was nice to hear me be honest and say "I'm afraid to eat" or "I'm afraid the issues with food from PCOS will come back". I mean it does scare me how I eat so little at times because I'm afraid of the PCOS coming back full force and me gaining weight again. I can't go through that again.

I also noticed that I'm not the only one who worries for their families. It was nice to be with others who knew what I was going through and where we were able to offer each other suggestions and not be judged.

I think I'm going to continue meeting with them once a month. I never realized all the changes that would happen with my surgery. How even though I'm so much more healthy how I feel so much fear of ever being fat again. It was nice to see that others have the same self image issues. We were told that it can take up to 5 years for the brain to catch up with the body. I so have that issue still and I'm down to a size 8. I mean logically I know that I'm thin but when I look at myself I still see me from March 2007.

I am nice to everyone and having nothing against overweight people and I think I try and be even nicer because I know what it's like to be judged or looked down upon. It really does suck but goes to show how shallow people really are. People looked at me like "wow she eats a lot" and the reality was I didn't and the reality was I'd be dead in my early to mid 40's if I didn't have this surgery and the reality was like they said for some reason it did reverse a lot of my PCOS issues. PCOS won't fully go away but it's getting better and I'm getting better and it will take some time and work but I hope to feel ok with me soon. If I continue to be honest and get support of others who are going through this I hopefully won't be so angry or scared and I'm looking forward to that!

Monday, December 1, 2008

There comes a time....

when every little kids stops believing in Santa. Well, our time has come. Sure we told Kaila there was no Santa but then I took it back real quick and made her happy. I don't know if it's living in a pretty Orthodox Jewish neighborhood, the fact 99% of her friends are Jewish, or that her cousin Tony has reminded her Santa isn't real but this was the last year I think I could get her to see Santa. She had me take a photo as well and she asked Santa for a new Scooter. I'm going to get her to take pictures with me each year if that is what it will take for her to take a Santa photo.

It's exciting to watch her grow and become more independent. We even went this weekend and she got a new white iron bed and a rug too for her room. She wants Hannah Montana everything in her room so I think between Christmas and Hanukkah this year she could be covered.

I'm so grateful for Miss Kaila. She amazes me every day. We even got her ears pierced again. This is the 3rd time she's trying with a surgical steel this time. Her and her friend did it together this weekend after they went shoe shopping and Disney store shopping lol. They both had a budget and did great with it. I splurged and got them the earrings with her mothers approval of course.

Well, I'm off. Kaila has a presentation in front of the school today about the new recycle prize program she created. My hope is she doesn't get shy in front of everyone and then I have to announce it lol. Have a great day!

Friday, November 28, 2008

Thanksgiving 2008

Thanksgiving 2008 was a success. The Turducken was amazing and the deep fried turkey well, it was deep fried....The highlight food wise was this snicker/apple creation from Curts mother made and the baked cheese grits Lora made. Oh my they were amazing and I didn't think I could love grits. Amazing I tell you.

I really enjoyed spending Thanksgiving morning preparing the Turducken and making green bean casserole while listening to the Twilight Zone marathon and watching it from time to time. I also was able to see a friend who moved to the San Diego area. It was nice to see her and we even got to chat some while she was in traffic on her way up to the valley.

I'm so grateful for the life I have today. Though the past three days I've had a migraine off and on and my throat hurts I'm still in pretty good spirits. My family is amazing and I'm so glad that I am present in their lives. My health is getting better and though my appetite is gone again (really forcing myself to eat at times) I have to remember to take care of myself. I have to remember that I need to make sure I get enough nutrients because otherwise I'm no good to anyone I care about if I get weak and start not to feel good. I have to remember that I do get low on protein, b-12, and iron and that vitamins are a must for me. I have to remember I can never be too busy or my health will suffer.

This year has been a lot of growth for me. I've made some great decisions in my life and have learned a bit more how important those around me really are.

I'm glad that yesterday went so well and that we had a great time. We had 4 families together; the Beattys, the Kastans, the Obers, and the Widhalms. We had a great time and you know we just sat around and talked and that was so relaxing. To get to know more about those you don't see too often is nice.

Here are the Kastans at Thanksgiving dinner and I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving as well....

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Mini List

My mini list of why I'm grateful this Tuesday, November 25, 2008:

  • I'm clean and sober and able to be fully present in my life!
  • I have a wonderful husband who puts up with my type A self!
  • I have a beautiful and smart little girl who just keeps amazing me more and more each day!
  • I don't weigh 257 lbs. anymore. I'm becoming a much healthier person (I really have to take my vitamins daily). Though I have road blocks at times with my health I am so much better than I was at the end of 2006 and 2007.
  • I have my family in my life today and I'm able to be there for them.
  • I have a job that allows me to work fully from home if I need to making it easier to be there for my daughter.

Just a mini list of gratitude to remind me how good I really do have it...

Monday, November 17, 2008


So I've been really good about meeting with my trainer and now taking this boxing class at the local park.

I met with my doctor Friday, and well, I'm broken. I have to wear an ankle brace at almost all times due to the lack of cartilage in my ankle, he wants me to stop wearing flip flops so much (come on it's So. Cal in November and 80+ degrees), and stop lifting weights or doing push ups. That really gets to me. I've worked so hard to get healthier and now the things I really wanted to work on I can't for a while. I guess I'm supposed to learn a bit of patience here and maybe a bit of relaxation is what I may need.

My trainer will do more leg and cardio work with me and my boxing coach will have me do more jump roping and sprints while the others do push ups or some of the boxing moves.

It can get very frustrating at times when you try to take care of yourself but your body is broken lol. I feel so old having arthritis at 32 and having it since I was in my late 20's.

I'm excited to go to boxing tonight but I wish I could participate more. I am getting really good at push ups.

Update to come later......

Monday, November 10, 2008

Weekend of Fun

This weekend was great...sure it started with a lovely migraine but I got to spend time with friends, breakfast, lunch & dinner & coffee all equaling a lot of catching up.

It's been nice to stay on the westside more and really limit my trips to the valley. It's really helped me thus far to become more connected. Kaila has been going with me to Kick Boxing classes and the instructor includes and encourages the kids to be there with the mothers and doesn't charge extra for them. That so rocks!

Here's a pic of Jill and I with our new hair do's. I went black to match my eyebrows (and to cover the gray) and Jill went more blond and I really like it.

On a side note, I've ordered through EBay "Dead Until Dark" and plan on reading the whole series. I am not into the whole vampire thing or books but I'm hooked to True Blood on HBO and they say if a movie is great the book is better so I can wait for the book to come.

Finally, I received an email from The Bellagio for a winter special and I'm taking Eric for our birthdays to relax and enjoy ourselves for the weekend. I can't wait!!!

I'm going to practice what my dear Lynn told me yesterday and live a week of non fault finding even within me and this will be a nice practice.

Have a great week!

Friday, October 31, 2008

Halloween in Pictures...2008

Halloween 2008

From a Real Horror Film to Halloween 2008

Our Halloween began last week......

Saturday, Eric & I attended the Universal Studios Halloween Haunt. We took the VIP tour and I have to say it was well worth the money doing it that way. We enjoyed the tram tour. We were on our own trolley with about eight other people. We got to get off and walk around the old western sets and possibly see a ghost......It was a great evening and we did all the mazes, rode all the rides, and saw all the shows. It was nice having a scary and romantic night together.....

This past Monday we had a real life horror film in our home. I was sitting with Kaila and sliced open my foot on some glass that was on the floor. We had some glass break and I thought it was all up but my foot proved that wrong. Long story short I don't think I've never bled so much and our carpet from the recliner to the bathroom is ruined. We tried everything to get the stains out. I'm such a clutz but even Eric was shocked how much blood there was for a cut about 1/2 inch long. Eric said it must have been deep which I could believe.

Today is Halloween and our Pink Punk Pirate woke up with a sore throat and couldn't make it through the whole day. Here's a picture of her with Camdyn, Perri, and Ben. We left school shortly after this photo was taken and we don't know if the princess will be trick or treating tonight.

I can't believe this is already the last day of October. I'm so excited for the next two months. I so love the holiday season!

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Living More....

I'm really trying to practice being more present in my life and to be in the now.

I went to this meeting over by me Tuesday and it was great. The women were all down to earth and very welcoming of me. I even knew someone there, the secretary that is and now I will be leading a meeting there in November. Funny how that works. What I really like is that it's not the meeting I was going to attend but a earlier women's meeting that does the steps, traditions, and concepts. I think I will really enjoy this meeting.....

On another in the moment dealio I got rid of my myspace account. I rarely went on and when I did I got sucked into a void of nothing and did surveys and just wasted my time. I contacted those few I'd like to keep in touch with and exchanged info and deleted my account this morning. They said it could take up to 48 hours. It would be great if it happened ASAP but oh well.

I attended this parenting class last night and learned some ways to discuss drugs/alcohol with Kaila as she gets older. It's hard for me to think about because of my sorted past and Eric's. I know she'll be ok and I hate to admit it but I'm enjoying these parenting classes. I was too stubborn for too long with my mother in law and thought she was telling me how to parent my child but really her suggestions of classes were because she did it and others she knew did it and it worked.

Well, off to work but it's nice being more and more centered. I have to read more in my "Who Dies" book and that in itself is so neat. About just being "I". (:

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Saturdays in Santa Monica....

I will be loving my Saturdays going forward....I am now meeting my trainer after she runs her boot camp on Saturdays. Today we sped walk on the sand near the ocean and it was amazing. We then hiked up the 4th street stairs and did a total of 3.3 miles speed walking, hiking, and walking through the sand. You can really feel that in your legs.

The best part is how beautiful it is. I left my cell phone in the car because I'm trying to practice being present for myself and not worrying about who may call but you know, I may bring it next week so I can take some pics. I need to remember how beautiful it is and how lucky I am to live 15 minutes from the beach.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Daily Monitoring

When I taake my daily inventory, I know that I must stop judging others. If I judge others, I am probably judging myself. Whoever is upsetting me most is my best teacher. I have much to learn from him or her, and in my heart, I should thank that person.

Sometimes that is easier to say then to do it but it's oh so true.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

But the rain.....

I thought it was a good idea to take Kaila for a 1-2 mile walk yesterday to get pedicures and lunch and then walk home. I've been trying to get her more active and well these places aren't too far just into Beverly Hills so why couldn't we walk?

When I awoke and went to breakfast with a friend I saw this outside...

and it was raining....However, when I returned I thought it may rain still but we set out on our walk and got lovely pedicures together. I also got my eyebrows done and man was that painful for the first time but for the first time I love how they look! Here's a few pics of our adventure and I have to say I'm proud of her for doing the whole walk. She complained a bit but that was to be expected.

We both did dark plum for Halloween but she added white polka dots to her big toes.....

Kaila at CPK. I love their Buffalo Chicken pizza. I do alter food a bit so we shared the carrots and celery they would've normally put on the pizza. Smart thinking.

What a great day it was and it never rained while we were out. I think we'll do more walks. Not always to get or do something but it was nice just being out of the house.

Friday, September 26, 2008

Sergei Prokofiev...Peter and The Wolf

I joined the 3rd grade classes for a performance at the Walt Disney Concert Hall of Peter & The Wolf. All I can say was "Amazing". Kaila had a blast as did I. It was nice to not ride the bus with the kiddos and drive over with two other mothers and relax and talk. It was worth paying for parking.

The kids had fun and ate lunch at the Plaza across the street from the Concert Hall.

In my quest for more culture for our family I'm thinking of getting season tickets (or partial season) for the family. Maybe that will be our family Chrismukkah gift.

So, if you have a chance to watch a modern version of Peter & The Wolf do so. Tickets aren't too cheap but this weekend they are giving free admission (if there are still tickets available) and the animation/puppetry was so cool. I was very impressed and Kaila told me before hand she loves when the bird is performed and well, the flutes do sound nice.

I've included a pic of us dressed nicely for the show as per the request of her teacher and it was nice to see a bunch of 3rd graders dressed nice for the show.

Sunday, September 7, 2008

8th Birthday Fun & Flying....

Kaila & Kit Kittridge at Jillians waiting for her guests to arrive

Kaila & pals relaxing during the bowling party

Blowing out the last of her 8 candles on her Tinker Bell cake

Funny kids

Kaila sky diving indoors, so brave!

Kaila & crew after sky diving

The pictures say it all. She had a blast, the kids had a blast, and the parents had a blast. Two sets of parents got info for their holiday parties. I think it went well and the best part was seeing Kaila have a great time!

Friday, September 5, 2008

Sneaky Sneaky

Let's just say this will be brief. My soon to be 8 year old asked to open the car last night when we left the mall. I said sure, she's done it before. She heard me tell her father her birthday gift (Kit Kittridge and stuff) was in my trunk. So.......she opened the trunk. If she didn't only have one request and if we didn't tell her that is all she'd get maybe I'd be upset but it reminded me of Christmas and wanting to sneak to open gifts and the time I opened the bottom of a package and found out there was a Barbie there. Still, what a sneaky but happy little girl.

Yes, she knows she's not getting her until tomorrow.....

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

1st Day..New Memories..3rd Grade

Today was the first day of third grade. Kaila was excited and I learned that she's become a bit more independent and today chose her outfit for the first time. I usually pick out her first day of school outfit but she really wanted to wear this.

I was pleased with the teacher she got this year Ms. Gordon. We learned that after the winter break her class will be going to LACMA (Los Angeles County Museum of Art) weekly and doing a special Art program. One of the perks of going to an Art Prototype school.

Kaila and only one other girl from her class last year were in this class together. I was worried at first because even though this one girl is her friend I was worried she'd not play or be with her core group of friends. I was wrong and she said she played with her friends at recess and at lunch. I know that her not knowing a lot of the kids in her class is a great opportunity to grow as a person and learn more about the people she is in school with. It's nice to grow up along with her.

I'm so excited for this next year. I can't wait to see her become more and more independent and though it makes me a bit sad I'm glad that she's becoming more self confident and growing up to be a fine young lady.

Stay tuned....

Monday, September 1, 2008

In Memory of Francine....

We went yesterday to do the memorial for my aunt at Descanso Gardens in La Canada. I realized it was a month to the day since she'd passed away. It was a nice day with Eric, Kaila, my mother Raylene, and nephew Tony. Below are some photos of our day....

My mother brought photos of Francine. Here she was as a baby.....

As a teenager.....

and as an adult....

Francine after the Parkinson's started to take over. This is her with Kaila as a newborn. Almost 8 years ago.

Just an example of the beautiful peace of Descanso Gardens

I love these fountains. It was such a beautiful day!

My mother and Tony

Eric, Kaila, & I
It is good to know that I am able to be present for my family today. About 11 years ago that wasn't an option. I was too selfish. We are going to scatter her ashes this October and spend a weekend as a family in Big Bear because it's a place she loved to visit. I know she was with us at Descanso Gardens. I'm going to go through the family photos and see if there are any photos of her gardens that she used to maintain.
My family is small and we don't have lots of pictures so I've learned that I need to keep better record of our growing family so we have lots to look back on in years to come.
It feels good to share this because my family means so much to me today..

Saturday, August 30, 2008

The Kastans Vacation 2008

At the end of our lovely vacation I'm refreshed though I ran my first 5k today! I'm so excited that I did it! We left Disney for the outlets where I fit into size 8 shorts. I was a size 22 a bit over a year ago. Again, I'm so happy to be taking care of me and all that I can do now.

Speaking of the 5k I've got my family on board to do it with me next year. They really entertain you throughout the race. I also am starting to train to do the 1/2 marathon next year. I'm so excited about taking care of myself and this jogging thing really works!

Life is still busy and I start work Monday, School starts Wednesday, and Kaila will be 8 on the 6th. All in all I am blessed with such a great family......

Enjoy the photo show of our mini vacation....

Monday, August 25, 2008

And We're Off.....

It's official in a couple of hours we leave for Big Bear. I'm so excited to get out of town. I had a migraine yesterday so I'm not running this morning, too weak but I can't wait to get on the road.

Our cabin has a BBQ and I plan on BBQing some yummy lunches and dinners.

Friday we leave for Anaheim and are staying at the Hilton Suites (I booked it for $60.00) on Priceline (gotta love priceline) and Saturday I do my first run. Sure it's only the 5k and not the Half Marathon others are doing but I plan on attending the Half Marathon next year! We are then joining Lora & Baby Charlie for a day at Disneyland.

Sunday we are doing the memorial for my Aunt at the gardens. I feel at peace for her and I know she's in a better place.

Life should then be back to normal once we complete our adventures this week. I worked 14 days straight with camp, got a raise, and will come back to a lot of work after this week with school starting BUT I'm going to try and enjoy this week with my family and not get online. A week of just the three of us.

I will post a blog entry about our adventures sometime soon.....

Friday, August 15, 2008

I might even be a Rock Star

Rock Star Thursday at Kaila's camp. Here she is with the twins, Camdyn and Perri her best friends. They've been pals since Kindergarten. Not the best quality photos but the girls are cute!

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Countdown to Disneyland Jog

I'm so excited and happy that I did 3.3 miles today in 31 minutes. I have to do it in under 45 minutes for the run at Disneyland I'm doing on the 30th.

I'm so glad I quit the gym. A trainer every other week, weights at home, and jogging out in the open is so much better then a gym.

The countdown has begun!!!

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

They Did It....

My husband and lovely child made it on YouTube. We work for a Not For Profit company that works with Special Needs Children & their Families.

Below is the video we submitted to NBC for America Cheers.

Sunday, August 3, 2008


I'm so excited to be feeling so much better after the past couple of weeks to a month. I went to my monthly class today and feel so centered. I so don't want to miss another class. I feel so much better and positive about the month ahead. Yes, I missed the last two months because of my wedding anniversary and traveling but I love how I feel when these classes are complete. Three hours a month makes me feel warm inside even when the work being done is hard at times.

I'm taking my cake for 11 years this Tuesday and feel really good about it. I'm making a Gluten free cake for myself too. I'll be having dinner with a friend I've gotten closer to this past year and hope to get closer to as time goes on.

Oh the gifts in my life. My aunt will be missed, I'm not perfect, and life happens and can be good at times and awful at other times but there's always a lesson and I'm grateful to be present and who I am today to go through it all (:

Friday, August 1, 2008

Endings & New Beginnings

Yesterday at 10:15AM my aunt Francine past away. She had died 10 minutes before I got to the hospital. I beat myself up at first for making stops but you know, I was there everyday almost all day with her. Nightly I would tell her I love her and let her know it was OK to move on. I saw there was no reason to beat myself up over something I had no control over. It was her destiny to move on when she did.

My aunt is at peace now. She was a neat lady. Before her Parkinson's started she would have these beautiful gardens. She loved animals and loved her old T.V. shows. I remember as a child having to watch The Sound of Music and The Towering Inferno so many times because those were two movies she'd watch over and over again.

It's sad, yes, but my mother and I took care of all the arrangements yesterday and we are going to do a family memorial once we receive her ashes in a couple of weeks.

Today is a new day and a day I can live to the fullest. It's the start of a new month and a new year for me as well. I'm grateful that I am the person I am today and that I was able to be there and accountable for my family when they needed me most. I used to be the person you wouldn't call or rely on for anything.

I've included a picture of Francine from my wedding before her Parkinson's finally took over. As I close, my sappy moment for you is to remember to cherish the ones you love, always.

Monday, July 28, 2008


It was Wednesday of this past week when my mom called me and told me to meet her at the hospital. She was in tears so I knew it was bad. You know my first thought was something happened to my sister or one of her kids but it was my aunt.

The ethics committee spoke to my mother and it was decided to stop my aunts feeding tube. She's had Parkinson's Disease since she was 32 years old. That's my age now and has been going down hill ever since. She's now 55 and has no quality of life at all. Not that she ever did because she's been so sick her whole life. She's the only child under 10 I've heard of (though I'm sure there are more) that had a stroke at age 7. I feel so bad for her that I believe as well this is what is best for her.

I feel guilty when I'm not at the hospital because there is only my mother and I that can stay with her. My mother has to work and well I have a 7 year old to help raise. I left yesterday because her vitals were still top notch. I'll be working from the hospital this week. My work doesn't want me to work at all but those of you who know me I'll stress out more not knowing things are done. I've got a laptop and can connect remotely and when Francine is asleep I can work.

Last week was a hard week for me. Each day someone in my life had something go on where they called me for help or to talk. I was reminded that their events had nothing to do with me but that I was to be there for them. That was nice to hear because I think we all sometimes forget. It's just hard when people you care for go through lots. I also was stressing about lots of things.

It's funny (well not really) that I smoked again. I'm not now but it's been my crutch. I hit my smoking bottom in the Saturday Night Long Timers meeting I think (though I keep thinking I'm done) when in tears I asked Eric "How do you not smoke when so much is going on?" and he replied "I pray". I realized through writing I don't like to feel and smoking helps to mask that. I'm no saint but I think I did hit that bottom I felt like I did when I was a newcomer and I felt humiliation. It's been easier for me to smoke then to feel. I even hate the smell but it's what I'm used to. What sucks is the closet smoking part, it takes to much work. Yesterday I had no desire but before bed and when I arose I asked HP to remove the obsession.

Ok, so this is a long post, probably doesn't make any sense but I needed to get this out. I'm so worried that she is in so much pain at times. She can't even talk now. Two days ago I could still make my aunt laugh and yesterday, nothing. I hope that her journey isn't a long dragged out one. She doesn't deserve it. I know in my heart of hearts that she will be in a much better place. Her faith in her God has been so huge that she will be with her maker soon.

This picture is of a labyrinth at the hospital. The Chaplin says it helps people and I think I'll try it today. It gets cold in the hospital and some fresh air couldn't hurt.

Monday, July 21, 2008


This weekend a couple of things happened that I just had to question why?

Friday Kaila had her performance with the Isaiah Players at Temple Isaiah where she is going to summer camp. When we arrived at the Temple we were brought in by security. You know there is always security there like when I pick her up daily as well. Anyhow, I don't understand it. I don't understand how anyone could hate someone so much because of their color, religion, etc. This is something that has bugged me ever since I was little. My grandfather was a big racist and I've always hated it. I'm told I don't understand because I'm a Caucasian Christian Female. So what.....I still don't get it and maybe I'm ignorant to it all but I just wish that I wouldn't have to have security surround a place that was filled with so much joy and peace.

The service was amazing. There was so much gratitude talked about. I really felt good leaving the services. It's odd to think people would want to hurt people just living life to the fullest all because of their religion.

So onto question number two of why....We watched The Kingdom on Saturday night. There is a pretty disturbing scene with one of the characters and I had to leave our room while it was happening. I know things like this are happening in real life and then they have to go and show it in movies. Maybe I'm getting to old (and I'm young) to watch people be tortured on TV again because of their religion or just in general. It seems like more and more I can't handle certain movies, especially ones about wars in other countries.

This fall I get to return to school with less chaos of getting the office in order at my new job (which I still love). I think I want to take classes on history and different cultures. I just don't get a lot of things. I just think people shouldn't judge so much. My husband jokes that I'll die for my cause going into Africa or other countries and trying to get everyone to get along. I just don't understand why it gets so bad.

I don't always feel comfortable sharing how I really feel let alone on a blog but I've been practicing concurring my fears and well, blogging on more delicate subjects is one of them. To me this is something I'd not normally write but I'm glad I did. I probably wouldn't have just done this but I was disturbed twice on the same subject over the weekend and well, wanted to write it out.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Day Three...Gluten Free

Today is officially day three of being 100% gluten free. When I got back from Georgia I received my blood test results and I'm low on Iron, Protein, B-12, and the kicker I am borderline for Celiacs Disease.

Grocery shopping for 100% gluten free is hard. My lovely turkey meatballs at Trader Joes are a thing of the past. They have wheat in them :(

I see the GI doctor on Thursday and hope to get more answers and get a 2nd opinion. The surgery I had in March 2007 could alter my system a bit.

Hopefully this gets easier. Oh yeah drank protein yesterday, took my iron, and today b-12. I'm back on track. I really need to not just take care of myself spiritually but physically as well. My health is not a joke and I can't be too busy to take care of it. Note to self.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

All good things must come to an end...

I'm sitting here waiting for my flight from Atlanta to Los Angeles to finally board, if it ever does.

We arrived in Savannah yesterday afternoon after spending the morning with my father and step mother. Kaila was tired, I was too so after a bit of rest we ate dinner at the Six Pence Pub/Restaurant and went back to our bed and breakfast to book our ghost tour.

We went on a 9 PM ghost tour that was neat to say the least. It was neat to hear about the start of the girl scouts there as well because we all know I'm going to be such a great troop leader next year....or maybe not.....

When we returned to our cottage there were these giant bugs that I found out were actually giant cockroaches and I just couldn't handle that so we moved into the main house to a quaint room that I actually liked much better. The place was clean don't get me wrong but it's humid at night there too and they crawled under this door upstairs....I really liked this bed and breakfast and the main house was super clean!!!

Breakfast today was some lovely blueberry pancakes and then we checked out. We went to the Mercer house and took a tour. Shame on them for not letting me take pictures of anything I wanted to but just know if you want a good informative tour in Savannah this is one of the places to visit.

So, we ended our trip by going to River Street and having a lovely lunch, buying a tacky shirt per a request, and some salt water taffy and headed back to the Savannah Airport.

Now our trip came to a happiness end because our flight was cancelled in Savannah, we got put on an earlier flight to Atlanta, that was delayed and now were in Atlanta where we found out our flight that was supposed to leave at 8:25 is now leaving at 11:00 and so we'll be sitting here for 6.5 hours. Fingers Crossed our flight isn't delayed any further......Pictures of our trip to follow soon.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Beautiful Mornings....

The pictures say it all.
View from my dads back porch (:

Monday, July 7, 2008

Simons Island, Rain, Fun....

Yesterday my father needed to do a photo shoot of a family and it was done at Simon's Island, GA. I feel in love with the beaches right away! I live right near a beach in California but I don't have a desire to be there daily. You know, traffic, too many people, bums, etc.

The beach we went to was amazing. I can't wait to post real pictures and not one off of Yahoo Images. You can walk in the sand and it's so soft and doesn't hurt your feet. You can walk far out into the ocean before you sink and the water is warm. I brought my bathing suit but had no real intention on getting in. I so changed my mind within minutes. I had a blast! Kaila caught fish with a net after making quick friends with some kids on vacation from Colorado. My father and step mother took lounge chairs into the surf and just relaxed as the water hit them. Such a mellow day!

We returned back to my dads and I wanted to take a walk with Kaila to see the cows down the road but again, it was raining. I'm noticing this to be a afternoon trend here. So we went to a indoor miniature golf place. There isn't much to do in Douglas if you're young I've found out. Today if it rains we'll be heading to a place called "The Fun Place" and for $10.00 you can play as many games as you want. I know she'll have fun there too.

We're going to Jacksonville, FL at some point today to see my step siblings and niece. That should be nice. I haven't seen them in two to three years.

I will update more later. This is nice doing a daily vacation blog (:

My goal for next year is to convince Eric we need to do a drive up and down the East Coast to hit all the nice beaches. That would be a wonderful vacation (:

Sunday, July 6, 2008

Learning to Sew & Thunderstorms....

We arrived to my dads at about noon. Yesterday was spent taking numerous naps & enjoying family.

My step mother taught me how to use a sewing machine and no, I didn't hurt myself even. Sure my blanket to the left isn't the prettiest in the world but darn it, Kaila's Polly Pockets will love it! I now want a sewing machine and think of all the wonderful things I can make everyone I know........ Ok so that could take some time but for today I'm glad I can use one. Oh yeah, making my own seam was really cool.

We all went to see Wall*E. Very cute film and even with the power going out from a Thunderstorm (No Tornado's to worry about because I even inquired, again I know I'm a dork) we were able to still finish the movie and we all had fun.

We're going to an Island today or so I'm told. I will be posting a slide show when I return to California because I can't upload to the lap top. I'm really enjoying this trip but It's only 4 AM in California so I'm a bit sleep deprived. I will probably nap in the car today. My father says it's about a 2 hour drive to where we're going.

Until I write again.....