Saturday, December 27, 2008
Kaila loved the skateboard she received from "Santa" and the CD player as well. In regards to the skateboard she yelled "Daddy Daddy look Santa brought me a skateboard" it was very cute and in such Kaila fashion.
My birthday was spent at a memorial for Eric's grandfather but Kaila, Eric, and I went and saw Bedtime Stories after and it was nice, just the three of us. My sister-in-law even got me a slice of Red Velvet Cake that I had a bit of and it was yummy. I thought that was very kind of her.
We ended Christmas day with a trip to Griffith Park to see the Christmas lights. It was a lot of fun. All of us taking pictures. We may walk it the 31st if it's not too cold and lately it's been too cold for me to do anything.
Hopefully I will have time to post a bunch-o-pictures from Disneyland, Christmas, My Birthday, and Hanukkah soon but if not just know the Kastans had a great time and hopefully next year it will be in our new home....
Here's a pic I liked from the Griffith Park light show...
Friday, December 19, 2008
Monday, December 8, 2008
Thursday, December 4, 2008
It was nice though because there was a support group after that one for people 1+ years out and well, I'm coming up on two years out so it was nice to be there. It was nice to be there because I got to finally get off my chest all the anger I had around Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome and all the weight gain I got from it and how mean people are to those who are fat and how afraid I am of ever being fat again! I mean friends weren't even nice to me for losing the weight, kinda odd, maybe they liked the fat sidekick.
What's really hard is seriously I have this thing about my arms, if I tell people my track marks at the top of my arm are just that and not a stretch mark which they aren't, people are forgiving like "poor you were a drug addict and now your not, yeah you" but my fear is that if people do think it's a stretch mark and people do judge and make rude comments.
I was also able to share about all those shallow folks in my life who go above and beyond to tell me how great I look but never told me once while I was overweight. Seriously there wasn't one day where I looked good...Not one?
It was nice to share and hear others say they too are afraid of ever being fat again. There was one other lady like me where her body couldn't process food right either and she too gained a lot of weight from that. It was nice to hear me be honest and say "I'm afraid to eat" or "I'm afraid the issues with food from PCOS will come back". I mean it does scare me how I eat so little at times because I'm afraid of the PCOS coming back full force and me gaining weight again. I can't go through that again.
I also noticed that I'm not the only one who worries for their families. It was nice to be with others who knew what I was going through and where we were able to offer each other suggestions and not be judged.
I think I'm going to continue meeting with them once a month. I never realized all the changes that would happen with my surgery. How even though I'm so much more healthy how I feel so much fear of ever being fat again. It was nice to see that others have the same self image issues. We were told that it can take up to 5 years for the brain to catch up with the body. I so have that issue still and I'm down to a size 8. I mean logically I know that I'm thin but when I look at myself I still see me from March 2007.
I am nice to everyone and having nothing against overweight people and I think I try and be even nicer because I know what it's like to be judged or looked down upon. It really does suck but goes to show how shallow people really are. People looked at me like "wow she eats a lot" and the reality was I didn't and the reality was I'd be dead in my early to mid 40's if I didn't have this surgery and the reality was like they said for some reason it did reverse a lot of my PCOS issues. PCOS won't fully go away but it's getting better and I'm getting better and it will take some time and work but I hope to feel ok with me soon. If I continue to be honest and get support of others who are going through this I hopefully won't be so angry or scared and I'm looking forward to that!
Monday, December 1, 2008
Friday, November 28, 2008
I really enjoyed spending Thanksgiving morning preparing the Turducken and making green bean casserole while listening to the Twilight Zone marathon and watching it from time to time. I also was able to see a friend who moved to the San Diego area. It was nice to see her and we even got to chat some while she was in traffic on her way up to the valley.
I'm so grateful for the life I have today. Though the past three days I've had a migraine off and on and my throat hurts I'm still in pretty good spirits. My family is amazing and I'm so glad that I am present in their lives. My health is getting better and though my appetite is gone again (really forcing myself to eat at times) I have to remember to take care of myself. I have to remember that I need to make sure I get enough nutrients because otherwise I'm no good to anyone I care about if I get weak and start not to feel good. I have to remember that I do get low on protein, b-12, and iron and that vitamins are a must for me. I have to remember I can never be too busy or my health will suffer.
This year has been a lot of growth for me. I've made some great decisions in my life and have learned a bit more how important those around me really are.
I'm glad that yesterday went so well and that we had a great time. We had 4 families together; the Beattys, the Kastans, the Obers, and the Widhalms. We had a great time and you know we just sat around and talked and that was so relaxing. To get to know more about those you don't see too often is nice.
Here are the Kastans at Thanksgiving dinner and I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving as well....
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
- I'm clean and sober and able to be fully present in my life!
- I have a wonderful husband who puts up with my type A self!
- I have a beautiful and smart little girl who just keeps amazing me more and more each day!
- I don't weigh 257 lbs. anymore. I'm becoming a much healthier person (I really have to take my vitamins daily). Though I have road blocks at times with my health I am so much better than I was at the end of 2006 and 2007.
- I have my family in my life today and I'm able to be there for them.
- I have a job that allows me to work fully from home if I need to making it easier to be there for my daughter.
Just a mini list of gratitude to remind me how good I really do have it...
Monday, November 17, 2008
I met with my doctor Friday, and well, I'm broken. I have to wear an ankle brace at almost all times due to the lack of cartilage in my ankle, he wants me to stop wearing flip flops so much (come on it's So. Cal in November and 80+ degrees), and stop lifting weights or doing push ups. That really gets to me. I've worked so hard to get healthier and now the things I really wanted to work on I can't for a while. I guess I'm supposed to learn a bit of patience here and maybe a bit of relaxation is what I may need.
My trainer will do more leg and cardio work with me and my boxing coach will have me do more jump roping and sprints while the others do push ups or some of the boxing moves.
It can get very frustrating at times when you try to take care of yourself but your body is broken lol. I feel so old having arthritis at 32 and having it since I was in my late 20's.
I'm excited to go to boxing tonight but I wish I could participate more. I am getting really good at push ups.
Update to come later......
Monday, November 10, 2008
Friday, October 31, 2008
Thursday, October 23, 2008
I went to this meeting over by me Tuesday and it was great. The women were all down to earth and very welcoming of me. I even knew someone there, the secretary that is and now I will be leading a meeting there in November. Funny how that works. What I really like is that it's not the meeting I was going to attend but a earlier women's meeting that does the steps, traditions, and concepts. I think I will really enjoy this meeting.....
On another in the moment dealio I got rid of my myspace account. I rarely went on and when I did I got sucked into a void of nothing and did surveys and just wasted my time. I contacted those few I'd like to keep in touch with and exchanged info and deleted my account this morning. They said it could take up to 48 hours. It would be great if it happened ASAP but oh well.
I attended this parenting class last night and learned some ways to discuss drugs/alcohol with Kaila as she gets older. It's hard for me to think about because of my sorted past and Eric's. I know she'll be ok and I hate to admit it but I'm enjoying these parenting classes. I was too stubborn for too long with my mother in law and thought she was telling me how to parent my child but really her suggestions of classes were because she did it and others she knew did it and it worked.
Well, off to work but it's nice being more and more centered. I have to read more in my "Who Dies" book and that in itself is so neat. About just being "I". (:
Saturday, October 11, 2008
The best part is how beautiful it is. I left my cell phone in the car because I'm trying to practice being present for myself and not worrying about who may call but you know, I may bring it next week so I can take some pics. I need to remember how beautiful it is and how lucky I am to live 15 minutes from the beach.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Sometimes that is easier to say then to do it but it's oh so true.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
When I awoke and went to breakfast with a friend I saw this outside...
and it was raining....However, when I returned I thought it may rain still but we set out on our walk and got lovely pedicures together. I also got my eyebrows done and man was that painful for the first time but for the first time I love how they look! Here's a few pics of our adventure and I have to say I'm proud of her for doing the whole walk. She complained a bit but that was to be expected.
We both did dark plum for Halloween but she added white polka dots to her big toes.....
Kaila at CPK. I love their Buffalo Chicken pizza. I do alter food a bit so we shared the carrots and celery they would've normally put on the pizza. Smart thinking.
What a great day it was and it never rained while we were out. I think we'll do more walks. Not always to get or do something but it was nice just being out of the house.
Friday, September 26, 2008
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Kaila & pals relaxing during the bowling party
Blowing out the last of her 8 candles on her Tinker Bell cake
Kaila sky diving indoors, so brave!
Kaila & crew after sky diving
The pictures say it all. She had a blast, the kids had a blast, and the parents had a blast. Two sets of parents got info for their holiday parties. I think it went well and the best part was seeing Kaila have a great time!
Friday, September 5, 2008
Yes, she knows she's not getting her until tomorrow.....
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
I was pleased with the teacher she got this year Ms. Gordon. We learned that after the winter break her class will be going to LACMA (Los Angeles County Museum of Art) weekly and doing a special Art program. One of the perks of going to an Art Prototype school.
Kaila and only one other girl from her class last year were in this class together. I was worried at first because even though this one girl is her friend I was worried she'd not play or be with her core group of friends. I was wrong and she said she played with her friends at recess and at lunch. I know that her not knowing a lot of the kids in her class is a great opportunity to grow as a person and learn more about the people she is in school with. It's nice to grow up along with her.
I'm so excited for this next year. I can't wait to see her become more and more independent and though it makes me a bit sad I'm glad that she's becoming more self confident and growing up to be a fine young lady.
Monday, September 1, 2008
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Speaking of the 5k I've got my family on board to do it with me next year. They really entertain you throughout the race. I also am starting to train to do the 1/2 marathon next year. I'm so excited about taking care of myself and this jogging thing really works!
Life is still busy and I start work Monday, School starts Wednesday, and Kaila will be 8 on the 6th. All in all I am blessed with such a great family......
Enjoy the photo show of our mini vacation....
Monday, August 25, 2008
Our cabin has a BBQ and I plan on BBQing some yummy lunches and dinners.
Friday we leave for Anaheim and are staying at the Hilton Suites (I booked it for $60.00) on Priceline (gotta love priceline) and Saturday I do my first run. Sure it's only the 5k and not the Half Marathon others are doing but I plan on attending the Half Marathon next year! We are then joining Lora & Baby Charlie for a day at Disneyland.
Sunday we are doing the memorial for my Aunt at the gardens. I feel at peace for her and I know she's in a better place.
Life should then be back to normal once we complete our adventures this week. I worked 14 days straight with camp, got a raise, and will come back to a lot of work after this week with school starting BUT I'm going to try and enjoy this week with my family and not get online. A week of just the three of us.
I will post a blog entry about our adventures sometime soon.....
Friday, August 15, 2008
Saturday, August 9, 2008
I'm so excited and happy that I did 3.3 miles today in 31 minutes. I have to do it in under 45 minutes for the run at Disneyland I'm doing on the 30th.
I'm so glad I quit the gym. A trainer every other week, weights at home, and jogging out in the open is so much better then a gym.
The countdown has begun!!!
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Sunday, August 3, 2008
I'm taking my cake for 11 years this Tuesday and feel really good about it. I'm making a Gluten free cake for myself too. I'll be having dinner with a friend I've gotten closer to this past year and hope to get closer to as time goes on.
Oh the gifts in my life. My aunt will be missed, I'm not perfect, and life happens and can be good at times and awful at other times but there's always a lesson and I'm grateful to be present and who I am today to go through it all (:
Friday, August 1, 2008
Monday, July 28, 2008
Monday, July 21, 2008
Friday Kaila had her performance with the Isaiah Players at Temple Isaiah where she is going to summer camp. When we arrived at the Temple we were brought in by security. You know there is always security there like when I pick her up daily as well. Anyhow, I don't understand it. I don't understand how anyone could hate someone so much because of their color, religion, etc. This is something that has bugged me ever since I was little. My grandfather was a big racist and I've always hated it. I'm told I don't understand because I'm a Caucasian Christian Female. So what.....I still don't get it and maybe I'm ignorant to it all but I just wish that I wouldn't have to have security surround a place that was filled with so much joy and peace.
The service was amazing. There was so much gratitude talked about. I really felt good leaving the services. It's odd to think people would want to hurt people just living life to the fullest all because of their religion.
So onto question number two of why....We watched The Kingdom on Saturday night. There is a pretty disturbing scene with one of the characters and I had to leave our room while it was happening. I know things like this are happening in real life and then they have to go and show it in movies. Maybe I'm getting to old (and I'm young) to watch people be tortured on TV again because of their religion or just in general. It seems like more and more I can't handle certain movies, especially ones about wars in other countries.
This fall I get to return to school with less chaos of getting the office in order at my new job (which I still love). I think I want to take classes on history and different cultures. I just don't get a lot of things. I just think people shouldn't judge so much. My husband jokes that I'll die for my cause going into Africa or other countries and trying to get everyone to get along. I just don't understand why it gets so bad.
I don't always feel comfortable sharing how I really feel let alone on a blog but I've been practicing concurring my fears and well, blogging on more delicate subjects is one of them. To me this is something I'd not normally write but I'm glad I did. I probably wouldn't have just done this but I was disturbed twice on the same subject over the weekend and well, wanted to write it out.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Grocery shopping for 100% gluten free is hard. My lovely turkey meatballs at Trader Joes are a thing of the past. They have wheat in them :(
I see the GI doctor on Thursday and hope to get more answers and get a 2nd opinion. The surgery I had in March 2007 could alter my system a bit.
Hopefully this gets easier. Oh yeah drank protein yesterday, took my iron, and today b-12. I'm back on track. I really need to not just take care of myself spiritually but physically as well. My health is not a joke and I can't be too busy to take care of it. Note to self.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
We arrived in Savannah yesterday afternoon after spending the morning with my father and step mother. Kaila was tired, I was too so after a bit of rest we ate dinner at the Six Pence Pub/Restaurant and went back to our bed and breakfast to book our ghost tour.
We went on a 9 PM ghost tour that was neat to say the least. It was neat to hear about the start of the girl scouts there as well because we all know I'm going to be such a great troop leader next year....or maybe not.....
When we returned to our cottage there were these giant bugs that I found out were actually giant cockroaches and I just couldn't handle that so we moved into the main house to a quaint room that I actually liked much better. The place was clean don't get me wrong but it's humid at night there too and they crawled under this door upstairs....I really liked this bed and breakfast and the main house was super clean!!!
Breakfast today was some lovely blueberry pancakes and then we checked out. We went to the Mercer house and took a tour. Shame on them for not letting me take pictures of anything I wanted to but just know if you want a good informative tour in Savannah this is one of the places to visit.
So, we ended our trip by going to River Street and having a lovely lunch, buying a tacky shirt per a request, and some salt water taffy and headed back to the Savannah Airport.
Now our trip came to a happiness end because our flight was cancelled in Savannah, we got put on an earlier flight to Atlanta, that was delayed and now were in Atlanta where we found out our flight that was supposed to leave at 8:25 is now leaving at 11:00 and so we'll be sitting here for 6.5 hours. Fingers Crossed our flight isn't delayed any further......Pictures of our trip to follow soon.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Monday, July 7, 2008
The beach we went to was amazing. I can't wait to post real pictures and not one off of Yahoo Images. You can walk in the sand and it's so soft and doesn't hurt your feet. You can walk far out into the ocean before you sink and the water is warm. I brought my bathing suit but had no real intention on getting in. I so changed my mind within minutes. I had a blast! Kaila caught fish with a net after making quick friends with some kids on vacation from Colorado. My father and step mother took lounge chairs into the surf and just relaxed as the water hit them. Such a mellow day!
We returned back to my dads and I wanted to take a walk with Kaila to see the cows down the road but again, it was raining. I'm noticing this to be a afternoon trend here. So we went to a indoor miniature golf place. There isn't much to do in Douglas if you're young I've found out. Today if it rains we'll be heading to a place called "The Fun Place" and for $10.00 you can play as many games as you want. I know she'll have fun there too.
We're going to Jacksonville, FL at some point today to see my step siblings and niece. That should be nice. I haven't seen them in two to three years.
I will update more later. This is nice doing a daily vacation blog (:
My goal for next year is to convince Eric we need to do a drive up and down the East Coast to hit all the nice beaches. That would be a wonderful vacation (:
Sunday, July 6, 2008
We arrived to my dads at about noon. Yesterday was spent taking numerous naps & enjoying family.
My step mother taught me how to use a sewing machine and no, I didn't hurt myself even. Sure my blanket to the left isn't the prettiest in the world but darn it, Kaila's Polly Pockets will love it! I now want a sewing machine and think of all the wonderful things I can make everyone I know........ Ok so that could take some time but for today I'm glad I can use one. Oh yeah, making my own seam was really cool.
We all went to see Wall*E. Very cute film and even with the power going out from a Thunderstorm (No Tornado's to worry about because I even inquired, again I know I'm a dork) we were able to still finish the movie and we all had fun.
We're going to an Island today or so I'm told. I will be posting a slide show when I return to California because I can't upload to the lap top. I'm really enjoying this trip but It's only 4 AM in California so I'm a bit sleep deprived. I will probably nap in the car today. My father says it's about a 2 hour drive to where we're going.
Until I write again.....