Tuesday, January 29, 2008


I don't know why but someones faith has helped me to feel ok about surgery tomorrow.

We dropped of K at her friends and her mother was talking to me about Kabbalah and did a blessing for me and tied a Kabbalah red string around my left wrist and said some blessings and gave me a hug. It made me feel good that she believed her faith would protect me.

I'm glad we chose for K to stay at this friends house. I felt really good dropping K off there tonight and though I will miss her tonight I will have her climb into bed with me tomorrow night when I get home. I don't know what it is about a child and their love that can make you feel good when you're down, in pain, etc.

I'm going to take a shower, maybe get a bite of some food, and then off to bed. I have to be at the hospital bright and early at 8:30 AM.

Monday, January 28, 2008

The Shirt Says it all...

Saw this on another website and loved it. It says so much....

I think I'm gonna have to buy me a baby doll shirt of my own with the same wording lol.

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Life & Death

Ok, so my minds been in overtime over the past week.

To begin I'm having surgery next week. Not a bad surgery but they're removing my gallbladder. Still, I'm being put under. I have at home a 7 year old.

Then my closest friends sister dropped dead, they brought her back, performed heart surgery, and she should be ok. My friends sister has a 9 year old and a 13 year old.

Finally, though I have no interest in him really I mean media should really leave his family alone and sure he was a great actor but Heath Ledger left behind a 2 year old daughter.

My point is that all these events have really had me thinking about death. I know we can't escape it and who really wants to live forever but I just don't want to have K grow up without me. I'm afraid of death. Yes, you heard that right, I don't want to die yet.

I'm in fear of being put under. I had a bad experience this past Monday when they gave me the morphine for the pain. I didn't feel in control of my body and that was really scary for me. I couldn't fall asleep and I was afraid of falling asleep. I just didn't like how it felt. Hence why I'm afraid to be put under on Wednesday.

I feel somewhat stupid for posting this but all this happened this past week and there were kids involved with all instances. I didn't mean to throw a celebrity in there but again, this week another child was effected. I just want to be around to witness all of K's firsts.

I don't mean to sound like a downer but all this thought of death has made me question: "Am I living my life to the fullest?" and if not "What can I do to change that?"

I'm going to try and live each day to the fullest because surgery or not you never know what is going to happen from each moment to the next. I'm not going to be perfect at this but I want to feel good about my life.

I don't know if this made any sense at all but I had to put my feelings out there. Well on a positive note, I'm off to a fun filled day with K and it's her cousins b-day party at a roller rink and it should be lots of fun!

Thursday, January 24, 2008

5k at Disneyland (:

So, I'm committed to the 5k run that is August 30th at Disneyland. The run itself is between California Adventure and Disneyland. Who wouldn't want to jog through both parks????

I'm so excited but I know I have to get into shape more.

I'm off to buy new headphones because my
dear daughter took the covers off my headphones and when I tried to jog home from her school, well, they wouldn't stay in my ears.

Once I buy the headphones I'm off to the gym (:

I know that next week with my surgery I may not be ready to go and jog right away but I plan on jogging more often to work up to my three mile jog. This I know is not much to some but for someone whose lost over 100 lbs. it's a big deal.

I can't wait to do the run! Go Disneyland! Anything to make me interested lol.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Gallbladder Disease Update & Not Working

So the date has been set for my surgery. It's January 30th. I'm still in fear but the lady from my surgeons office said it's super easy surgery and I will be ok.

I have an appt. Friday with my primary to pass the pre-surgery physical and I know I'll do fine.

Maybe it's a good thing I don't have a full time job. I feel like I have more freedom.

I went to Farmers Market today, bought fresh chicken, tomato's, and lettuce to make home made soft tacos. I went and got some work out pants and just walked around. Very nice indeed. I've also scheduled lunch with a friend this Monday.

In closing it's been an odd couple of days BUT I know everything is happening for a reason and that I am being taken care of. Well, off to pick up K, another task I love to do.

Gallbladder Disease

So yes, I have Gallbladder Disease. Not as bad as it sounds. However; the pain I felt to find out I have it was worse than child birth and I had K all natural with no pain medications.

I met with my surgeon yesterday and he's getting approval from my insurance and it looks like I will have surgery next week. It's an out patient procedure and I should be in the hospital for 4 - 6 hours tops. It's done with a laser so how cool is that?

I'm in some fear because when am I not being put under. It could be too that they gave me morphine in the hospital for the pain and I didn't like how that made me feel at all. I couldn't really sleep at all until last night and I just didn't like feeling out of control.

My grandmother died at the time she got her gallbladder removed but for different reasons and well, I know I'm just going to have to trust God that I will be ok. My surgeon even had his removed and it's pretty common.

I know I'm a big baby when I say this but I'm afraid of the pain coming again before surgery. I NEVER want to feel that pain again.

Anywho, I thought I'd note that I will be ok and I know that trusting in God will get me through this.

Monday, January 21, 2008

Orsons Shadow & Juno

Well, I think I've caught up some on entertainment.

Saturday, we saw Orsons Shadow at the Pasadena Playhouse. I being who I am fell asleep the first 10 min. into it but woke up like five minutes later and really enjoyed the show.

Don't get me wrong. The play was great but there's something about me and seeing plays that start at 8 PM. I'm down usually right away but revive myself. I feel bad when I'm sitting up close in a small theatre. I feel the actors staring at me saying "Get Up" lol.

From theatre to theater:

Tonight, we saw Juno. Excellent movie and I really enjoyed it. I was worried with all it's rave reviews I really wouldn't enjoy it but it was great!

Well, off for the night but it was nice catching up on the theatre and theater.

Until next time..The balcony is closed.

Saturday, January 19, 2008

It's all working out...

So yes, I'm still employed as of this weekend (:

Ms. Boss lady has decided to keep me for three more weeks to do a project for one of their clients. See I am the original person who worked on it and well, it's a job for the next three weeks!

What's super cool for me is that I don't have to drive to the Valley except for Fridays!

I've been given a company cell phone, email, and will be reimbursed for expenses. Yes, the comfort of my home with music or the Nick at Night channel as my background noise, instead of office noise.

I do have an interview this Tuesday for my daughters after school program and it could be a large pay cut but a lot less stress and better work hours and possibly summers off.

Everyday is a new journey so I'm off for today's....Universal Studios, Dinner, and The Pasadena Playhouse to end the night...I'm loving this really letting go and just being!

Monday, January 14, 2008


Today is day one of week two of no job.

However; I am ok today. This may be my last week with my old employer, since as she put it, I'm too expensive for her lol.

I've emailed a ton of resumes and will do more emails tonight. That's all I can do.

I may try the Unemployment thing for a while and see how that is. I can go back to school to do something I want and there are some jobs where you can keep unemployment while you go to school to get the skills to do the job.

The message here DON'T STRESS OUT!

I'm afraid of the "Unkonwn" who isn't but I'm going to be ok.

My lifes had many changes recently and all for the better. As someone told me recently and I love how they think..."This could be a blessing" and I think it is.

Well, off to another day of driving into the Valley.

Saturday, January 12, 2008

Identification as Gifted/Talented

I am so happy right now!

We received a letter yesterday and K is going to be tested for the Gifted and Talented program.

The area they say she's in is the "Intellectual":
"Students whose general intellectual development is markedly advanced in relation to their chronological peers"

All I have to say is "Go K"!

Enron of Entertainment? ~ Axium International

So it's a lovely Monday afternoon around 2:30PM and we are all called up to the conference room. Upper mgmt. announces that Axium International is filing Chapter 7 bankruptcy on Tuesday and we're free to leave whenever we choose. There's one catch....We're not getting paid. I couldn't touch my 401(k) until yesterday and Monday night I was freaking out about not having a job....

However; since I really don't burn bridges I have a temporary job at least until next Friday. My old boss hired me on (Grateful Here) and they're paying me each Friday. I'm getting paid my old wage but she told me I'm too expensive to keep and that if I'm willing to go to 45k I may have a job. That in hourly talk is around $4.00 per hour. It seems big but if it comes down to it, I may have to.

I'm thinking of this as a blessing in disguise. I've got my resume out there and I know we'll be a-ok.

I'm very upset that I wasn't given any notice or the fact I asked my boss the week before if bankruptcy rumours I heard were true and she said no.

It's been interesting to read all the news about Axium. I just hope out of this 1. I find a job, 2. I get that final pay owed to me, 3. I fax the paperwork TODAY to get my money out of the 401(k), and 4. That I continue to save money because you never ever know what is going to happen.

The Holidays & Disneyland

Yes, it's been a while since I've updated my blog. I've been super busy and mostly sick but I actually have a few minutes to do a couple of posts.

The Holidays were great! We went to Disneyland for my birthday and had a blast. You would think on Christmas Eve it would be packed but it wasn't. It was so nice to be there (:

Kaila got to go on all the rides and we took turn sitting with her on rides. We even all got ears that were different...

Christmas was great too! We are blessed to have so many wonderful people in our lives. We started at my sisters where we spent time with our family. The kids all opened gifts. Then we were off to a good friends where we spent time with her and her mother. It was then off to my mothers for Christmas lunch and finally off to our close family friends who we had dinner with and spent the most time with. The kids had a wonderful time.

It was a great Holiday...Here's some pictures that stood out to me: