Sunday, February 17, 2008

Little Feet Update

We've decided that it's not the best time right now for another child.

Yes, I was upset at first. I think now that my body is "normal" that I was and am having those feelings that I needed another child but the fact is those feelings do pass. My husband is still worried about me health wise and thinks I should have a year with no surgery, etc.

We live in a super small apartment and there isn't enough room for another baby. We're also finally out of debt so why get into some? I know that people say there's always a reason to wait but you know in a couple of years it may be a idea. It's not a "We're never going to have another child" but it's a "We're not having another child right now".

We've been saving money and within a couple of years we're going to buy a home so at that time there will be more room. I'm also a part time SAHM right now (very part time work) and I love my freedom while K is at school.

So that's my update. Be responsible and grow up some more and then maybe another child. K really wants a sibling but that is NOT a reason to have another child.

Saturday, February 9, 2008

More Feet Running Around.....

I posted on my Mommy Group about having another child so far apart from our now 7 year old. I got this response in regards to love that was great! I was afraid I wouldn't love another baby as much as I love K because she's been mine alone for 7+ years. Here's what the lady said:

What I learned... is the heart is not divided... It just expands.

I thought that was great! It's really helped me more in starting for baby number 2 at the end of next month....Updates to follow.

Sometimes a few simple words is all it takes.

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

A Mommy Moment

"Mommy, don't walk me to my line. Leave me at the gate"

K is growing up. I can't stop it nor do I want to. It's sad sometimes when like today you watch a 7 year old walk to her line on her own without me and at the same time I am proud as well. You can tell from how she's walking how proud of herself she is as well.

I'm so blessed to have K and I cannot wait to watch her grow more and more.

Monday, February 4, 2008

Turning it over...

For the past ten years there have been two women that I generally run my crazy minds thoughts through. I've been going through a lot lately spiritually and with the surgery I had to have recently well, it made me question things even more. So, if you know me it means my mind went into overload.

I explained that nightly my new fear isn't earthquakes but it's dying. I'm afraid I won't wake up. I think this past surgery for me, with the pain I felt prior, to the internal bleeding scare helped me to realize NO ONE lives forever and yes, life's short, and yes I've been feeling this way a while BUT I'm scared of the unknown.

It was reminded to me that death is the big unknown, which is true. When I go back to school I want to study different religions but also I joked there should be a class that studies death. You know I told her however there will not be anyone to teach it because really..once you're gone you're gone. No one will come back and give a lecture on what death is like.

This week my mission is to create a God Box. I've learned (I guess the hard way) that sometimes for me reaching out to my Higher Power isn't enough. I have to PHYSICALLY give away what I need help with. This doesn't mean I've failed at praying or anything it just means there will be things I have to really get rid of. The women who I spoke with suggested a God Can because "God Can" and "I can't". Made sense and seemed neat. I will create this God Can today or at least start on it and finish it by tomorrow.

There is so much I want to accomplish in this lifetime. My husband reminded me that we're ok last night. That me not working isn't the end of the world and that I should be doing things to take care of me. I have options today and well, that's nice. I hope that I learn more on this journey of life and that things that do scare me don't bring me down. Life won't always be easy and there are health scares. I think that this last situation took me for a loop. The pain was like nothing I never felt and everything that happend after well, really scared me.

I'm ok today and today will be a great day!