Monday, January 16, 2012

When You Don't Know.....

I was never going to post about this experience because it wasn't one of those heart warming experiences that people post about.  It wasn't a "Yeah, they will be OK moment".  It was a moment of and continues to be "What ever happened?" "Is she OK?"

I was at The Grove with my friend Diana around Christmas time and we went to DuPars for lunch.  When we were walking to get a table a woman ran up with her baby who was lifeless it seemed.  She wasn't breathing and didn't look right at all.  She was hitting her back and I don't know what happened but I remember telling her to stop hitting the baby and I lifted her arms.  I then saw the little girl throw up whatever was blocked.  At this point they were calling 911.  My friend and I went out to our table and she instantly hugged me.  I guess I looked like I needed it.  When the paramedics arrived they were with the little girl for some time.  They took her away.  After she was breathing she didn't seem right.  I just kept thinking, "What happened to her?" and "Is she OK?".  My friend said I instantly got in mommy mode and helped.  I let her know that something similar happened to Liam.  He was choking on a penny and if it wasn't for Kaila, who knows what could have happened.  I couldn't hear him choking and I got the penny out from holding his arms up and having him at an angle.  Now mind you I too wanted to hit his back but I remember my MIL and my grandmother both telling me to never do that.

Now fast forward to today.  I'm watching the news this evening and there is a woman who was on the boat in Italy that capsized.  She mentioned being handed a three month old baby girl.  She said she couldn't hold onto the baby any longer and gave her back to her father.  I could see in her eyes and understood when she said she didn't know what came of the little girl and her family.

I'm still wondering what happened to the little girl.  I know that I did the best that I could and I'm grateful I was there that day.  It just reminded me that some situations are out of our hands, that we have to remember we did the best we could, and have to have faith that everything was OK.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Sometimes.......

Sometimes when you have a say 19 month old little boy and you cannot do anything right in the AM to make said boy happy you just want scream "What???".

Sometimes when your say 11 year old girl throws you attitude and raises her voice you just want to.....reflect back on the way you were at 11 and think "God was I really this annoying?"

Sometimes when your precious little guy screams like he's being tortured as you are putting him in his stroller you may just want to leave him there and walk no run far far away.

Sometimes when your 11 year old princess doesn't understand the word NO you may just want to leave her with said screaming toddler and get away as fast you can.

Yes, even with the rough times it's so worth having a 19 month old adventurer and a 11 year old young lady growing up and showing me changes....sometimes....one painful moment at a time lol

Friday, January 13, 2012

Where's Crazy Kat???

I've been five days off gluten and though I was told I should live without because of Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome and how it effects me I became Crazy Kat trying diets so I could have gluten which I've found WAS NOT A GOOD IDEA. So I quit dieting and gluten.

In the past five days I've lost five, yes five pounds.  I say this is all because of no gluten.  I know the weight won't keeping coming off like this BUT it feels great to not feel so bloated and for some reason I'm a bit less crazy this week.

I'm enjoying so much more fruits & veggies like before and still treating myself with Dark Chocolate every night, I mean why not, right?

I'm learning oh so slowly to listen to what my doctors say.  They are doctors for some reason and I'm so not on their level when it comes to deciding what is good for my body.  The lesson here is no more gluten unless I want to be Crazy Kat and I'm sure I don't want her around.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

L The Monkey Boy

videoTurns out I have this little boy the enjoys driving me crazy and keeping me on my toes.  My Mother In Law suggested I have a video camera watch him in each room but alas, I wouldn't get to him in enough time if he were to fall.  I've decided to cut back on doing "Things" until he's not a danger to himself or household items he can climb on.  For example here is a video of him climbing into his highchair.  Amazing I tell you how quickly that boy can climb on something.  I really believe I had a child almost 10 years later to help me slow down.  You can't be doing tons of things if you have Monkey Boy near by.  Enjoy "A Day in the life of Monkey Boy"

Monday, January 9, 2012

PMS

Diets....A Thing of the Past!

I've been struggling with feeling like I'm going to be fat again or feeling fat since I found out I was pregnant with L. I was in so much fear of the weight I was gaining during my pregnancy that when they weighed me I couldn't face the scale and yes, I wanted to cry each time.

I don't think others who have not gone from being thin to gaining 100 lbs. in a year to being thin again can really understand how scary it is for me to gain weight. I have PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) which caused my issue. I had gastric bypass in 2007 which they said would fix my issues (including weight gain and not being able to lose the weight)

When I got pregnant with L people kept telling me I was looking too thin. I didn't see it. I just saw extra skin and felt fat still. I just didn't want people to be mean to me for my weight. I saw HOW MUCH differently I was treated once I lost the 100 lbs.

I love that I started taking ballet since the bypass surgery. I use the dancing to help me feel better about my body. In the classes at the college I'd have to wear a leotard and boy I didn't want to do that but I did and started feeling more and more comfortable and got a A in the class even!

So as this New Year approached I realized I've become obsessed with my weight because of Weight Watchers and counting calories. Really both are torture for me because I'm so busy that logging food is a chore and makes me obsess about food even more. When I first had L before the wonderful world of Weight Watchers (they had a special) I lost weight and kept losing by eating right, no gluten (bloats me, thanks PCOS), and exercised. I felt great and didn't stress SO.....

I'm done dieting. I'm going back to the ways of healthy eating, no gluten, and exercise. I even would get a piece or two of dark chocolate every night, which I might add is good for the heart. I will exercise the way I like and not feel I have to exercise the "Perfect" way because there really isn't one. I purchased and am waiting for my home Cardio Barre set including portable ballet bar! Yes, I can work out the way I like at home while the kids sleep. During "My" time!

I recently read this story about a mom and her views on being "fat" which made me feel even worse about myself but in a good way. In a way that I need to be gentler to me. You know sometimes exercising too much can be hard on your body. When your then 10 year old turns off your Jillian Michaels DVD while you are crying exercising, there's a problem. Oh and I had severe contusions to my knees. Sweet! It's time to just stop and do what feels natural to me. I'm 36 years old and not 20 and I have no one to impress and I just want to feel good about how I live again. I didn't realize how the greatness of a pregnancy could bring on so much worry and obsession but the little boy rocks!

I end with we all need to be better to ourselves and be more kind. It's amazing how freeing it feels to be going back to the old me. I was told I was much happier then. I'd like to believe that.