Saturday, December 27, 2008

Chrismukkah 2008

Tomorrow ends the week long celebration of Chrismukkah 2008 in the Kastan household. I have to admit I haven't been too "In the Spirit" this year since I've been super busy but I did enjoy the time with my family for Christmas and I know we will have a great Hanukkah tomorrow with Eric's family as well.

Kaila loved the skateboard she received from "Santa" and the CD player as well. In regards to the skateboard she yelled "Daddy Daddy look Santa brought me a skateboard" it was very cute and in such Kaila fashion.

My birthday was spent at a memorial for Eric's grandfather but Kaila, Eric, and I went and saw Bedtime Stories after and it was nice, just the three of us. My sister-in-law even got me a slice of Red Velvet Cake that I had a bit of and it was yummy. I thought that was very kind of her.

We ended Christmas day with a trip to Griffith Park to see the Christmas lights. It was a lot of fun. All of us taking pictures. We may walk it the 31st if it's not too cold and lately it's been too cold for me to do anything.

Hopefully I will have time to post a bunch-o-pictures from Disneyland, Christmas, My Birthday, and Hanukkah soon but if not just know the Kastans had a great time and hopefully next year it will be in our new home....

Here's a pic I liked from the Griffith Park light show...

Friday, December 19, 2008

Winter Performance 2008

Kaila had her school performance today. They were very cute. Here she is singing a winter melody.....Enjoy

Monday, December 8, 2008

Oh Yes, I'm Cheesy

So now on a cheesy note. Doing this YTL practice has also shown me I want my daughter to know all about me. I was so bad with her baby book because well, I worked night and day then while Eric was in school. I bought this book and my goal is to have it done by April 1, 2008 and give it to her then. I only have 4 months to go so this should be neat to find out more about my dysfunctional family (ok most are and that doesn't mean my family is bad) as well that I really don't know about. I know both sides of my family are small but I hope to get closer to my mother, father, and step mother during this by filling in pieces I don't know about. Wish me luck!


How to make a Kathy really happy....find her the 2009 Erte Calendar. I know I'm such a dork but I'm SO Happy to find this. I was at Papyrus and when I saw this I thought I don't care the cost but it was only $8.000 what a deal, if you ask me.

Since we're re-doing our place this is going above the new computer area. It's so pretty too! Which reminds me....One day I will own a Erte piece....I hope.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Pain will bring Growth

I went to the support group last night for the surgery I had. I walked in and felt a bit uncomfortable because I've lost my weight and those there were either pre-op or newly out and no one who was there was around when I had my surgery. Sure there were others who I knew had their surgery some time ago but I didn't know anyone.

It was nice though because there was a support group after that one for people 1+ years out and well, I'm coming up on two years out so it was nice to be there. It was nice to be there because I got to finally get off my chest all the anger I had around Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome and all the weight gain I got from it and how mean people are to those who are fat and how afraid I am of ever being fat again! I mean friends weren't even nice to me for losing the weight, kinda odd, maybe they liked the fat sidekick.

What's really hard is seriously I have this thing about my arms, if I tell people my track marks at the top of my arm are just that and not a stretch mark which they aren't, people are forgiving like "poor you were a drug addict and now your not, yeah you" but my fear is that if people do think it's a stretch mark and people do judge and make rude comments.

I was also able to share about all those shallow folks in my life who go above and beyond to tell me how great I look but never told me once while I was overweight. Seriously there wasn't one day where I looked good...Not one?

It was nice to share and hear others say they too are afraid of ever being fat again. There was one other lady like me where her body couldn't process food right either and she too gained a lot of weight from that. It was nice to hear me be honest and say "I'm afraid to eat" or "I'm afraid the issues with food from PCOS will come back". I mean it does scare me how I eat so little at times because I'm afraid of the PCOS coming back full force and me gaining weight again. I can't go through that again.

I also noticed that I'm not the only one who worries for their families. It was nice to be with others who knew what I was going through and where we were able to offer each other suggestions and not be judged.

I think I'm going to continue meeting with them once a month. I never realized all the changes that would happen with my surgery. How even though I'm so much more healthy how I feel so much fear of ever being fat again. It was nice to see that others have the same self image issues. We were told that it can take up to 5 years for the brain to catch up with the body. I so have that issue still and I'm down to a size 8. I mean logically I know that I'm thin but when I look at myself I still see me from March 2007.

I am nice to everyone and having nothing against overweight people and I think I try and be even nicer because I know what it's like to be judged or looked down upon. It really does suck but goes to show how shallow people really are. People looked at me like "wow she eats a lot" and the reality was I didn't and the reality was I'd be dead in my early to mid 40's if I didn't have this surgery and the reality was like they said for some reason it did reverse a lot of my PCOS issues. PCOS won't fully go away but it's getting better and I'm getting better and it will take some time and work but I hope to feel ok with me soon. If I continue to be honest and get support of others who are going through this I hopefully won't be so angry or scared and I'm looking forward to that!

Monday, December 1, 2008

There comes a time....

when every little kids stops believing in Santa. Well, our time has come. Sure we told Kaila there was no Santa but then I took it back real quick and made her happy. I don't know if it's living in a pretty Orthodox Jewish neighborhood, the fact 99% of her friends are Jewish, or that her cousin Tony has reminded her Santa isn't real but this was the last year I think I could get her to see Santa. She had me take a photo as well and she asked Santa for a new Scooter. I'm going to get her to take pictures with me each year if that is what it will take for her to take a Santa photo.

It's exciting to watch her grow and become more independent. We even went this weekend and she got a new white iron bed and a rug too for her room. She wants Hannah Montana everything in her room so I think between Christmas and Hanukkah this year she could be covered.

I'm so grateful for Miss Kaila. She amazes me every day. We even got her ears pierced again. This is the 3rd time she's trying with a surgical steel this time. Her and her friend did it together this weekend after they went shoe shopping and Disney store shopping lol. They both had a budget and did great with it. I splurged and got them the earrings with her mothers approval of course.

Well, I'm off. Kaila has a presentation in front of the school today about the new recycle prize program she created. My hope is she doesn't get shy in front of everyone and then I have to announce it lol. Have a great day!