Fear....

I saw this great quote on fear that was sent to me via email....

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear....Mark Twain

Friday we had a family emergency which is neither here nor there and I was in fear for numerous people in my family. I could have reacted being all upset but that would have gotten everyone nowhere. Instead, I walked through the fear and was able to be a big sister to my brother and a daughter to my mother when they both needed me most.

Things still aren't 100% but I've learned that not running from my fears is a great thing and there is growth there. I'm in no rush to be in constant fear but I do know, now, that I can get through it as I did Friday and Saturday...with grace and dignity.

Dreams...

I woke up today after my second night in a row dreaming that I had died. It was troubling to me why I keep having these dreams. In each dream I really want to let KK know I miss her but I can't be with her and it's a struggle.

I decided to look online and see what the whole Internet would say about dreams where I'm dead and it was actually quite positive. I looked at a bunch of dream dictionary's and:

"If you dreamed of being dead yourself, it indicates an approaching release from all your worries and/or a recovery from illness."

Sounds good to me. I've been very, super busy these past couple of weeks and I tend to worry through the really busy times. It's odd to dream that ones dead. I mean usually you know how you just WAKE UP so quickly right before dying in a dream but to go through dying and not waking up is odd.

I really do believe that our dreams play a big part in what is going on with us. I had a therapist in my younger years who worked on my dreams with me because I had night terrors. He showed me that if we look at the different aspects of our dreams we can see what we are going through. You know, at that point in my life he was correct. I think even if I broke apart my nightly dreams it would still be true.

I will not be afraid by my dreams today, even the ones that aren't the easy perfect dreams we all look for.

Unknown

Today is day one of week two of no job.

However; I am ok today. This may be my last week with my old employer, since as she put it, I'm too expensive for her lol.

I've emailed a ton of resumes and will do more emails tonight. That's all I can do.

I may try the Unemployment thing for a while and see how that is. I can go back to school to do something I want and there are some jobs where you can keep unemployment while you go to school to get the skills to do the job.

The message here DON'T STRESS OUT!

I'm afraid of the "Unkonwn" who isn't but I'm going to be ok.

My lifes had many changes recently and all for the better. As someone told me recently and I love how they think..."This could be a blessing" and I think it is.

Well, off to another day of driving into the Valley.