What???

I've had all these feelings and then thoughts run through my head like "I need to be doing more", "I don't make any sense", and "If I only worked..." plus lots of other things run through my mind.

I realize after hearing two women speak tonight that I was in the right place at the right time.

1. I know that I am constantly I guess you'd call it bragging about my life. I do this to feel accepted by you and to show my family how great my life is and to say "Notice Me" but really it stems from growing up the oldest of three in a broken home with a single mom and distant father who I wanted to impress. By seventh grade, which is pretty sad I realized there was no impressing either of them and tried the opposite....be as bad as can be and well that didn't work either and I got sucked into a crappy black hole until the ripe young age of 21. At this point I decided to again impress all and well, it must seem like I'm very into me and a bit of a show off but really I just want you to accept me and to make me feel OK. So guess what....it's too much work and has to stop.

2. I talk too much and well, I ramble. I do this because (a) I'm nervous and (b) I'm nervous and (c) I think you'll think I'm an idiot and the more I talk the more I think you'll feel this way and still I keep talking. This is an ongoing issue but I'm going to stop this too. Let's see how this goes. I'm nervous around everyone, even if I know you and feel I don't make any sense. I don't feel at your level no matter who you are.

3. I used to bring in an income. Used To being the key words. I know am a Stay at Home mom trying to embrace this. The reality is that even though I can't shop the way I want, eat out when I don't want to cook, and do things whenever I still have a roof over my head and soon to be a home for my kids to have more room in. I have food at every meal and can enjoy Starbucks on Fridays. I live in a great neighborhood and don't have to worry about my safety. So I had to make some changes. Big deal. I'm so grateful for what I have and I have to remember that when my husband says I don't need to work that I should embrace being a mom and know they won't always want me around.

4. Diets suck. Eat right, exercise, and make life changes.

So that's it. As my blog expands into my life raising kids with a huge age gap I think I'll add in the changes to my life to make life so much easier. I'm so grateful I'm not the Katherine from 1997 on deaths door but the Katherine of today with quality problems.

Off to bed because who knows if we will have a late night party!

Thinking Back...

I was going through some pictures today, looking for pictures from my father when I came across these old ones of Kaila. I can't believe she's 8 already! Where has the time gone??? I'm just so grateful she's part of my life!

Kaila after our trip to Hawaii

My angel Kaila

Can you feel the love she had for ballet

1st day of preschool

Yes, this gangsta look courtesy of her father lolI love this photo of her just being a kid

Kaila being goofy

another 1st day of preschool

There comes a time....

when every little kids stops believing in Santa. Well, our time has come. Sure we told Kaila there was no Santa but then I took it back real quick and made her happy. I don't know if it's living in a pretty Orthodox Jewish neighborhood, the fact 99% of her friends are Jewish, or that her cousin Tony has reminded her Santa isn't real but this was the last year I think I could get her to see Santa. She had me take a photo as well and she asked Santa for a new Scooter. I'm going to get her to take pictures with me each year if that is what it will take for her to take a Santa photo.

It's exciting to watch her grow and become more independent. We even went this weekend and she got a new white iron bed and a rug too for her room. She wants Hannah Montana everything in her room so I think between Christmas and Hanukkah this year she could be covered.

I'm so grateful for Miss Kaila. She amazes me every day. We even got her ears pierced again. This is the 3rd time she's trying with a surgical steel this time. Her and her friend did it together this weekend after they went shoe shopping and Disney store shopping lol. They both had a budget and did great with it. I splurged and got them the earrings with her mothers approval of course.

Well, I'm off. Kaila has a presentation in front of the school today about the new recycle prize program she created. My hope is she doesn't get shy in front of everyone and then I have to announce it lol. Have a great day!

A Mommy Moment

"Mommy, don't walk me to my line. Leave me at the gate"

K is growing up. I can't stop it nor do I want to. It's sad sometimes when like today you watch a 7 year old walk to her line on her own without me and at the same time I am proud as well. You can tell from how she's walking how proud of herself she is as well.

I'm so blessed to have K and I cannot wait to watch her grow more and more.

Growing Up

It's getting close to when I say good-bye for now to one of my best friends, maybe my best ever (it's odd how I love our morning calls where I ramble a lot) who has been through so much with me and has put up with me. Though I'm sad I remember the following....

We all grow up. Over time we all get older and settle down. We find our other half, sometimes we marry and even have kids. It's really just a part of life.

Though I am sad, I have to remember that in the future my husband and have thought of moving to Long Island. Another friend of mine wants to move about 2 hours away south and one of my other dear friends (though she's back) moved to Maryland a couple of years ago.

So, my point is that even though we all grow up, and sometimes this does mean we move, well, we can all keep in touch and never lose those friendships that we've gotten over the years. I know this also will help a friendship grow because you have to put a bit more into it since the friend isn't right around the block anymore and it does give an excuse for traveling (:

In closing I know that I will be sad later this month but I also know that she will be starting a new adventure and will be doing new things. For this..I'm extremely happy for her I wish the best to her and her husband in all that they do. I understand this is just a part of life but I've been in this mode where I didn't really see the end of the month coming, not denial, oh I can't explain it. I guess I'm just so used to her being a part of my daily life with calls and all. Anyhow, since it is approaching and they're having a packing party in a couple of weeks I know that it's time and well, that can make ya sad and happy all at once.

I hope this made sense. ~ Until next time ~ moi