Fear....

I saw this great quote on fear that was sent to me via email....

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear....Mark Twain

Friday we had a family emergency which is neither here nor there and I was in fear for numerous people in my family. I could have reacted being all upset but that would have gotten everyone nowhere. Instead, I walked through the fear and was able to be a big sister to my brother and a daughter to my mother when they both needed me most.

Things still aren't 100% but I've learned that not running from my fears is a great thing and there is growth there. I'm in no rush to be in constant fear but I do know, now, that I can get through it as I did Friday and Saturday...with grace and dignity.

Two Fears In One....

Yesterday Eric took me to Balboa Island to celebrate our anniversary. Yes, it was June 15th but with Father's Day and a lot going on we postponed our fun.

It took forever to find parking but we did it and walked quite far but that was ok as well, it was a beautiful day.

Eric said we should go on the Ferris Wheel. I said "Hell No" it will collapse with me on it. He brought up my YTL and so I prepared myself to breathe and went on..... and..... obviously I survived as I'm writing this blog. Here's some pics from that very event.....

Enjoying the view from up above. Yes, I was scared during this shot because we were at a dead stop.









This second shot was taken after we went around a couple of times and I knew I was ok. A little breathing now and then helps.....









Eric and I at the top. Yes, I'm smiling, in a little fear but I did it! Next stop that crazy ferris wheel at Disney's California Adventure. I will do it in August after my run there.

Next up we went to Eric's tattoo covered up and for him to get as he puts it "A real tattoo". You know it can get very boring sitting for a couple of hours so I decided it was best that I get over another fear and (a) fill in my current tattoo on my ankle and (b) get a tattoo on my foot. Yes, on my foot. I know people who have one there but I knew I couldn't handle the pain and well, I was wrong so I got this done to my foot and I really really like it....


The funny part was that it didn't hurt all too bad and now I want another one. What really hurt was getting my fairy touched up because of the scaring Quinn said the man covering the original tattoo had to do just to get the fairy there. Well, here she is with her completed purple body......


I'm glad I did face my fears. We ended up having a wonderful day and to end the day we had dinner seaside and enjoyed just being together (sappy I know, get over it) and though I'm in pain right now on my foot and meeting with my trainer in about an hour to jog and work out I will be ok. I've walked through two things I never thought I would and had faith that I'd be ok and I was.

One Down....

Follow your dream.... take one step at a time and don't settle for less, just continue to climb
~Amanda Bradley

That being said I got out of some fear (Yeah) and called to enroll in this class and I have an interview for it next Wednesday. I let the man know I'm really doing this for fun and to try something I'm afraid of doing and he said that is just fine. He said lots of people do it for the same reason. I love that it is 5 minutes from my house as well.

Crossing my fingers I'm accepted and if so I will be in a class every Monday and Wednesday from 7 to 11 PM and I can't wait to see what comes of this adventure.

It's up to HP if I get in or not but I'm just excited I'm even trying!

Walking through it....

So, yes no post for a while but life gets busy.

I've been doing a lot of work on me and it feels great. I've learned recently that to take care of myself isn't a chore but can be rewarding with little daily perks.

For instance, I'm currently reading "A Year to Live" and I read a chapter a day. I have about an hour before the house awakens in the morning and daily I'm reading a chapter while I do some and read some meditation type books. I then do my morning journal writing and you know I'm ready for the day. My point is it used to be a chore to read so when I'm done with this book I will find other books I want to read and day by day I will finish those books instead of struggling to find time to read.

I'm learning as well, with the help of this book and myself to walk through fear. To walk through it makes it so much better. It's odd to do something that scares me but to feel great after is so rewarding.

I'm learning more about life and how great life really can be with the good and the bad.

Gallbladder Disease

So yes, I have Gallbladder Disease. Not as bad as it sounds. However; the pain I felt to find out I have it was worse than child birth and I had K all natural with no pain medications.

I met with my surgeon yesterday and he's getting approval from my insurance and it looks like I will have surgery next week. It's an out patient procedure and I should be in the hospital for 4 - 6 hours tops. It's done with a laser so how cool is that?

I'm in some fear because when am I not being put under. It could be too that they gave me morphine in the hospital for the pain and I didn't like how that made me feel at all. I couldn't really sleep at all until last night and I just didn't like feeling out of control.

My grandmother died at the time she got her gallbladder removed but for different reasons and well, I know I'm just going to have to trust God that I will be ok. My surgeon even had his removed and it's pretty common.

I know I'm a big baby when I say this but I'm afraid of the pain coming again before surgery. I NEVER want to feel that pain again.

Anywho, I thought I'd note that I will be ok and I know that trusting in God will get me through this.