My Number One...

I'm getting so emotional these days. I know my daughter never checks my blog or views these posts when they feed to fb so I feel it's OK to post this.

I purchased these bracelets yesterday for each of us. I got them so she will see how much of my heart she really has.

I'm very nervous and still struggle to see how much I can love these two children E and I will have. I've been alone with Miss K for 9+ years and though I'm so excited to meet & hold L I've given so much of my heart to this little girl.

I've heard that your heart grows when you have more children. I really hope that is true and that your love for each child is different.

I also have a journal that I'm going to finish before she returns from camp this summer with memories of us both that she can cherish as well.

It's the little things to us that I think will make a big difference with the transition in our household.

Living More....

I'm really trying to practice being more present in my life and to be in the now.

I went to this meeting over by me Tuesday and it was great. The women were all down to earth and very welcoming of me. I even knew someone there, the secretary that is and now I will be leading a meeting there in November. Funny how that works. What I really like is that it's not the meeting I was going to attend but a earlier women's meeting that does the steps, traditions, and concepts. I think I will really enjoy this meeting.....

On another in the moment dealio I got rid of my myspace account. I rarely went on and when I did I got sucked into a void of nothing and did surveys and just wasted my time. I contacted those few I'd like to keep in touch with and exchanged info and deleted my account this morning. They said it could take up to 48 hours. It would be great if it happened ASAP but oh well.

I attended this parenting class last night and learned some ways to discuss drugs/alcohol with Kaila as she gets older. It's hard for me to think about because of my sorted past and Eric's. I know she'll be ok and I hate to admit it but I'm enjoying these parenting classes. I was too stubborn for too long with my mother in law and thought she was telling me how to parent my child but really her suggestions of classes were because she did it and others she knew did it and it worked.

Well, off to work but it's nice being more and more centered. I have to read more in my "Who Dies" book and that in itself is so neat. About just being "I". (: